Hey Genius!

You forgot to wear pants!
Ha ha! Made you look!

December 24, 2005

Funny SNL skit

12/24/2005 10:10:00 a.m.

...which sounds like an oxymoron, I know. I haven't watched Saturday Night Live since, oh, forever. Sometime in the middle '90s I gave up on them, when I realized that they really couldn't do a skit in less than twelve minutes.

But a cow-orker sent me this link, which has apparently become an Internet hit. Enjoy it, if you haven't already seen it.

Note: It's a "rap video", so if you're in the I like all music but rap and opera* camp, you have been warned.

* Or country.

December 23, 2005

New submission

12/23/2005 07:45:00 p.m.

I submitted "Outside, Looking In" to the Intergalactic Medicine Show about two minutes ago. Wish me luck!

And speaking of writing: Check out The Writer's Database. Online submissions tracking! Nice!

December 21, 2005

Better late than never

12/21/2005 11:23:00 p.m.

...really late. Our tree is up now.

And I listened to the Christmas CD I made a few years ago, with such classics as What's This? by Jack Skellington, Ça Bergers by Some French Chick, All I Vant for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth by The Count, and about a dozen others. Having grown up in French immersion school, a lot of the carols I know are really hard to find. Ça Bergers is a long-time favourite; Vive le Vent (a French version of Jingle Bells) is cheery too.

Happy holidays to all, and here's to longer days and warmer weather.

All uphill from here

12/21/2005 07:44:00 a.m.

It's the shortest day of the year, here in the Northen Hemisphere. From here on out the days just get longer.

Maybe someday I'll be headed to work after the sun has risen, and go home before it sets. At least I've got windows to look out of during the day.

December 10, 2005

Reminiscences, #3

12/10/2005 09:59:00 p.m.

I don't know why I was thinking about this one today, but here it is.

Geography Primer—At the university where I work, my cow-orkers and I often sit on an indoor bench on a fairly well-used pathway during our coffee breaks. This allows us to all sit together—there are about eight or ten of us on the bench at a given time, usually—and it also affords the people-watchers among us a rich tapestry of students to observe. Okay.

The Set-up—The university has a program called EAP, or English for Academic Purposes—essentially English as a Second Language. We have a significant population of foreign students attending our fair school, from places like Taiwan, China, Malaysia, Mexico, and so forth, and sometimes they need help with their English. All right.

The Story—I'd noticed in particular that one girl, from Mexico (at least I assumed she was from Mexico; I'd heard her talking with friends on several occasions, in what sure sounded like Spanish) seemed to be giving me the eye on occasion. I admit, I was flattered, but I'm also married.

So one day, for whatever reason, I was alone on the bench for my coffee break. I can't remember exactly why, but most likely I was early or my cow-orkers were late. Anyway, a fellow University employee—let's call her Kate—swoops in, sits down next to me, and says, "We have to talk."

Alarm bells go off in my head. I'm friends with Kate, but she's got two jobs at the U: Administrative Secretary to the President, and Sexual Harassment Officer. So when she says, in a serious voice, "We have to talk," my insides get a little crawly.

"O-o-o-kay," says I, the paragon of eloquence.

"I need to know your age and marital status," says Kate.

This conversation has taken a left turn, I think. "Uh, twenty-seven and married," says I.

"Yeah," she says, "thought so." She gets up.

"Wait on a second," says I. "What's this all about, anyways?"

She says, "Well, there's a couple of girls from Mexico." (Did I mention that Kate also helped out with EAP? Well, she did.) "They were asking about the guy that sits on the bench with the devil beard." (I had a goatee at the time...) "And I tried to think, 'devil beard'? Who would that be? And then I saw you here today, and..."

"Okay," I say. "And?"

"Oh." She smiles. "And they have wicked crushes on you." She sighs. "Well, gotta go break some señoritas' hearts."

And she walked away.

December 03, 2005

Why can't they make good SF movies?

12/03/2005 05:43:00 p.m.

So last night I got an email from a friend of mine (let's call him Kevin, since that's his name):
Subject: Aeon Flux

I knew some people might not like it. But this review is ridiculous:

It was so uncomfortable to watch this film, I felt like I was desperately holding back a bout of extreme diarrhea while having dinner with my girlfriend’s folks for the first time. While the feeling kept ebbing and flowing, the pain never quite left. It was just better to grit my teeth and clench down, praying for an end to the night.

-rotten tomatoes

Soo Care for the matinee tomorrow?

And so we went, because, hey, it's got to be better than diarrhea. No, wait, extreme diarrhea.

It was better. It was certainly not great, but it was short of stomach-churningly bad, too.

The good: The special effects. Some of the music. Some of the performances (with a caveat of "they did what they could with what they were given"). The one girl with four hands (though it's not the first time I've heard of it, it's the first time I've seen it convincingly done in a film (see "special effects")).

The bad: Well, the script. The artsy-fartsy shots at times. The lame attempts at humour (there was only one line that made me laugh). The math (two examples: we're told right at the outset that 99% of Earth's population were killed by a virus, and the "remaining 5 million people" formed a city. Um, 1% of 6+billion is more like 60 million than 5 million; and there is a point where we're told that 400 years is equal to 7 generations. I thought a human generation was about 20-25 years, so 7 generations is less than 200 years, tops).

Watching the credits, I was struck by the thought that Pete Postletwhaite and Frances McDormand probably won't be putting this one on their resumés.

I'm such a curmudgeon.

Compy is here

12/03/2005 08:37:00 a.m.

Our new computer arrived yesterday. Dell had a special that we just couldn't resist. We got a new PC and 17" LCD monitor for about what we paid for our previous computer, which came without an OS (the new Compy has Windows XP Home onboard). Much much faster. The old machine was bought about 2000, if memory serves.

So yeah. I've set up the old machine upstairs in the library, with a wireless card, so I'm in geek heaven, and my wife is happy because now she can actually do cool things like video chats with her sisters and their chilluns.

Laters! Off to geek out!